Three weeks!

Apparently, there are only three weeks left before testing begins.  Us 1Ls have turned in our final memos and cleared the table for the review, outlining, and practice testing that will dominate the remainder of the semester.  It all seems so out-of-place.  It’s mid-November in Vermont and it’s been raining!  It’s probably 55 degrees outside right now.  The ski hills aren’t even substantially operational.  Yet, the prospect of finals looms, no less real, over Thanksgiving weekend.  I was told the year would be tough.  An older lawyer told me it would be the worst thing I had ever been through, knowing full-well that I had recently broken my femur.  Thankfully, it hasn’t been to atrocious as that . . . yet, anyway.  I have spent hours pouring over papers for passive voice, many more turning tissue-thin pages in the tomes of law, and a few exploring some alternative info sources.  However, I have still been able to get involved in a number of student groups, frequent the Freight House music sessions, and help put on a really fun show with Specific Performance (which is more or less a variety show by students, something I didn’t expect to find at a law school).  Actually, the night of Specific Performance was one of my favorites of the year.  I played guitar with a couple groups, others danced and sang, and I got to do a rendition of “A Boy Named Sue,” written by Shell Silverstein and mad e popular by Johnny Cash. 

Undoubtedly, my participation in these peripheral things borrows from time that could be spent studying and reviewing, but I firmly believe it keeps me sane.  Of course, without my sanity I would be useless in the  books and the classroom anyway.  There comes a point-sometimes once a day, sometimes not for weeks, and sometimes persistently-where work becomes unproductive, where the brain blurs and concepts, while still coursing through the cognitive channels, leave behind but the slightest residue of understanding. Essentially, this is the place where the brain ceases to function at a level capable of understanding new legal concepts.  This condition is largely unpredictable.  It can come at a certain hour of the night, when dinner wasn’t substantial enough, when the pace of a class slows to a crawl, or any other time.  I think it has a lot to do with the notion of a burn out.  Saturation is reached and the brain is no longer a solute for the jargon and ‘terms of art.’ 

I would like to believe that diverse and active involvement stimulates the brain more holistically and helps to avoid this sort of saturating paralysis, at least for me.  I realize that some are able to focus exclusively on something with inexhaustible endurance.  I, however, am a product of my culture; a peripatetic creature prone to restlessness and dissatisfaction.  Even in my long blocks of study I like to break up the subjects, to move between places, and to twiddle my fingers incessantly. 

I have not figured out how to best manage these tendencacies in my first few months here, but I have learned a bit more about them.  I am thinking about escalating my use of alternative study materials to fit with my wanting attention span.  Anyway, no one knows how well they’re really doing yet because there have been no finals.  Such is the torture of law school, much much work with no picutre of your progress.

Crunch Time

I promised myself that I’d work really hard up to Thanksgiving so that I could really enjoy that break. However, I still have one outline that has been pitifully left undone, and another that is a shade of being a helpful tool.

Even the professors seem to be spazzing out about exams now. I have one professor who is giving his students a take-home exam for the first time. He assures us he just wants all of the exams to be typed, and that is the only reason for it to be take home, but to treat it like any other final. He doesn’t know how to administer it or receive it though. He has two weeks to figure out the administrative functioning of a take home exam. In another class, we just attempted a practice exam, and I did miserably. It wasn’t graded, and the professor doesn’t want us to even go over it with him, but it was very instructive. At least now I know what the professor expects for an answer. Other professors are doing the same thing.  I am trying to learn that even in failure, I am learning a lot.

I see so many other hollow-eyed students pass me in the hall. Where a month ago we would cheerily great each other, we now have too much in our minds to muster the strength to put on a brave face. We are all terrified.  I suppose it is a good terror. Stress and fear can bring about the best in people as a motivational tool. Before this week, I was passively aware of the intrinsic dangers of the tests here in school. I was doing the best I could (though now I realize I wasn’t really doing my absolute best), and I wasn’t even scared of my first graded midterm.  Why now am I so explicitly nervous of failure? I guess it’s the culmination. The final, or in many classes, the ONLY show of how much I’ve learned is coming. This is where my professors will tell me if I am “cut-out” for law school, or at least if I spent my thousand of dollars of tuition on my brain or just a couple of great weeks with some really smart people.

Wish me luck, it is crunch time, then the freak outs start.

Mash Up

It has been almost one birth cycle since I lept from the squishy insides of Vermont Law School.  Life, that’s what’s next. It is a total inversion of the spiritual and ethical soft side. You’ve spent three years connecting your faint imaginings, theories, and academic courage to safe haven solutions and understanding audiences. What should you expect next? Inertia.

Expect to be misunderstood, in part because you have lost the ability to communicate your understanding of the world in non legal terminology. Expect that you will be bruised by the seats in the library where you will study for the bar, and to then be bruised by the world as it whizzes past you while you wait to get licensed. Expect to feel every manner of emotion ranging from joy, to deep loathing, for the path you have chosen and the lengths to which you must go to continue on, to relief followed by vegetative and unproductive bouts of self pity, fits of crying, and general unreasonable and unsocial behavior. Expect a re-imaging, of the dreams that brought you this far. Expect that you will start again, at zero.

If all this is a tearing down than surely there is a rebuild.  Life after law school is time again for learning, but with your hands and heart. You will survive the mash up, only to be mashed again.  Learned mentors will shape your ragged skills sets and basic principles into a pathway and you will walk it with trepidation until you gain a footing. Be kind to yourself during this time of interviews, testing, articulation, and proof. You are only human.

Where Has the Semester Gone?

It’s hard to believe that it is the middle of November already and Thanksgiving is nearly a week away. Today is the start of week 12 of 15. The apprehension of final exams are looming around campus. Excitement over Thanksgiving break is getting me through. I cannot wait to go home and relax around the dinner table with my family. It will be nice to take my mind off outlining and exams for a couple of days. As the semester is winding down things have been getting harder and more emotional but it’s the good days that get me through.

Last week I experienced the 2L Appellate Advocacy oral arguments. I volunteered to be a bailiff so I could see what I am in store for next year. It was a little nerve wrecking at first because I had to set up the room properly and set the tone for the “court.” The students that were arguing were nervous enough and I did not want to add any apprehension. After I got past my initial nerves I found the experience to be a lot of fun. I was able to talk with the professor and the judges. I am glad that I volunteered because now I know what to expect next year. The students were nice enough to let me stay and listen to the judge’s critiques of their arguments. The critiques were very insightful. I took note of the certain things that they criticized the students for. This will be extremely helpful to me next year when I have to face the judges myself. I highly recommend the experience to future 1Ls.

As of tomorrow I will officially be done with Legal Writing I! It will be nice to have some extra time to do more work. It is scary that I am happy to have more time to do work instead of just having free time. I never thought I would look forward to do more work. On that note I have to get to bed so I can get up early to read……..

I’d rather have snow than rain

I know it sounds weird, but I am getting a little edgy waiting for the snow. Maybe I am too excited about the prospect of having an actual winter. Also I seem to be harboring the irrational idea that the sooner it comes the sooner it will go away. I should just count my blessings and enjoy running on snow-free trails and walking to school without a ski mask.

I am a bit bummed that I won’t be making it home for Thanksgiving, but I have a few friends coming up and we will have a turkey free, but pie-full thanksgiving extravaganza…pie suggestions anyone? I am a firm believer that all things are better in pie form,  I’d say its the crust but I’m thinking it may be the triangular cuts as well, I loved geometry in high school.

I also am coming to acknowledge the very real possibility that I will REQUIRE a sunlamp to get through the winter, because a 4PM sunset just isn’t gonna do it for me.  On the upside I haven’t had to worry about sunburn once since I got here.

It’s hard to believe that the semester is almost over.  We only have a few weeks left.  I am nervous about tests.  I guess I don’t quite know what to expect.  The one exception is civil procedure since we had a midterm.  However, we will be getting a practice test for contracts tomorrow.  Hopefully, it won’t be too hard.

reconnecting

So I’ve been incredibly bad at blogging this semester. Fortunately I feel like I’ve been pretty good at law school. So as far as the scales of justice tip, all things seem pretty equal. But a little catching up does seem in order.

The semester has been a whirlwind, and it wasn’t until today when I gave tours to prospective students that I realized what an incredible place VLS is. I could have talked for hours about it to my tour group, and my co-tour guide felt the same. I’m so proud to be a part of the VLS community. I’m proud to say our buildings are sustainable. I’m proud to enjoy lunch at the school cafe made from food grown down the road. I’m proud to sit in class and be lectured by professors who are arguing cases in front of the Supreme Court, changing legislation, literally making the world a better place for all of us. I’m proud to know all my classmates, their diverse backgrounds enrich my learning experience.

The nerves that the end of the semester is fast approaching have set in. It’s a strange mix of shear terror and shear excitement. The prospect of the all or nothing that goes along with exams is enough to make anyone sick to their stomach.  With that said I should get back to work, and I’ll try to be a little be more proud of blogging….

It was a dark and stormy late afternoon.

Well, its 4:41 on a Saturday night (afternoon rather, but you wouldn’t say that if you looked outside now).  I have been enjoying the sound of the rain all day.  Being inside all day because of it has not made me stir crazy.  What worries me more is the fast disappearing day.

The short winter days never bothered me much until I started working a 9 to 5.  I started to feel like a mole, taking the subway to work in the dawn, and leaving to get back on the subway after sunset.  Its a real easy way to become disoriented, and bummed out.

In the past few weeks, I have talked to more than a hand full of people about seasonal affective disorder and investing in light therapy lamps.  It is a big problem, especially when we have to devote so much time to being indoors studying and writing papers (which I am avoiding right now).  I try to get outside between classes during the day, and I am excited to start cross-country skiing once the excessive rain turns into excessive snow (sunlight absorption AND exercise, look at Ms. Efficient over here).

It is a condition of modern life.  We have a work schedule that stays constant, even when it forces us to become nocturnal creatures a few months out of the year.  Like many things I am discovering this semester, it just ain’t natural!  We turn to what helps us get by: organized sports and exercise, TV, booze, lamps, friends, and other escapes and remedies.  I just hope to see more people outside when the sun decides to pay us a brief visit, instead of indoors with their heads in books and laptops.  Lord knows we got a whole lot of night time to do all that now.

I <3 flash cards…

So I’ve never been big on study aids before, mostly because I’m stubborn. I’ve always had this idea in my head that I should be able to learn anything from a book. That is to say, if it’s written down somewhere, especially in a book that I have to buy for a class, there’s no need for outside resources when it comes to interpreting that which is written.

Sadly, I missed out on just how fun study aids can be. I know, I know, I’m revealing just how nerdy I actually am, but come on. Who doesn’t love flash cards? And seriously, who could possibly find flash cards on Civil Procedure or Contracts anything other than awesome, especially when they contain hypos about characters named Speed Racer and Amelia Earhart? Fun for the whole family, I’m telling you.

In any event, one of my friends had a set, and one night rather than go over our outlines ad nauseam, we decided to bust out the flash cards. Needless to say, I ran out and purchased a set of my own! $10 bucks used from Barrister’s too!

I bust them out a few times a week just to flip through them and give myself little tests just to make sure I’m keeping on top of everything. Finals are approaching, so making sure everything is coming together and continuously ensuring that all the stuff you learned pre-midterm is still fresh in your brain is huge. Thus, flash cards. I know they’re not for everyone, but they’ve given me a change of pace on studying, and I appreciate that.

Speaking of which, I have an appointment with Civ Pro this afternoon that I’m already late for.

In short, if you’re in a study slump, buy some flash cards or make your own. They’re fun, effective, and worth your time.

the great dodging

Alright.  I am at the library.  I found a spot that, if I turn my head over my left shoulder, I can see the day fast disappearing.  I got my free post-3pm coffee at hand, and have finished hitting up Google reader and facebook.  I tried talking to people on gchat, but no one is biting (they must be on to me), and now, I am here, writing a blog for my law school about procrastinating in order to procrastinate.

Yet, I feel so productive while doing it!

It has become an art, productive-procrastination.  I have become very good at finding meaningful, useful things to do, that make me feel justified in not outlining, studying, or reading for class.  Brewing is just the tip of the iceberg.  There is also the banjo, ice cream making, making four course meals on Mondays, and writing letters to grandma.  My mom would be happy to know that I clean my bathroom often and I am on top of my laundry.  It all seems so familiar…oh right, undergrad.

Why is work like an ex-lover’s house that you go far out of your way to avoid seeing?  The elephant in the room that leers at you when you are trying to be a good hostess at your cocktail party?  The most important but last thing to be crossed off on your to-do list?

I remember taking swimming lessons during the summers as a kid.  I was pretty good at everything, including holding my breath underwater the longest.  But I hated the diving portion of the day.  I would move to the back of the line, biding my time before I would have to make the plunge.  The instructors would tell us how to dive correctly, but I considered it an accomplishment if I willed myself to jump in at all.  I still get hung up on jumping in, anticipating the shock that I can’t control.  We compromise by wading in, but where is the line between the gradual process of immersing oneself, and the deceptive art of avoidance?  When are we accumulating ourselves, and when are we keeping a part of ourselves in a comfortable space we know?

I find myself again, like many others, at the edge of the pool, knowing that I have to jump in.  At some point they will expect me to know how to dive, as well.

Here goes nothing.

splash.